The pushy artist: Brideszilla Moment #2

Whenever I met with the various vendors I used for my wedding, I was always “prepared.” I’d show them pictures from wedding magazines, ideas I had found online, etc. With these pictures, I pointed out things I liked about certain styles, emphasizing that my overall taste was pretty traditional. My mom always re-iterated this along with me at these meetings. Between the two of us communicating as clearly as possible, we should have been able to check things off the to-do list fairly easily, right? …Wrong. I learned that what makes the wedding planning process so difficult is that you’re working with artists—and they don’t like to have a plan because #1 that keeps them from being as creative and #2 that gives them less flexibility to sell you on more “stuff” that you really don’t need, but that they want you to have so that they can get you to spend more money.

Dealing with several of these people at the same time gets exhausting!!! You’re constantly defending your opinion, style, priorities and budget…and very quickly you realize that “wedding planning” is no longer about picking out flowers, music, lighting, bridesmaids dresses and cake flavors. 

 Examples… The caterer looks totally shell-shocked and offended when you tell them you don’t want the10 different variations of shrimp and grits they proposed because #1 you think just 3 options will do, #2 there’s going to be lots of other kinds of food at the reception as well. The cake baker says you will really be going against the current trend if you choose buttercream instead of fondant icing, even though you’ve visited three different bakeries and consistently liked the taste of buttercream the best. The photographer insists that you need to upgrade the package of pictures you’ve chosen (i.e. dish out another thousand dollars) to include a DVD slideshow set to music, even though you tell him you’ve already hired a videographer to capture the live footage.

Your response?….Usually you listen and weigh the pros and cons of their point of view A) because you have Southern manners B) you feel like you should at least hear them out since, after all, they’re supposed to be the experts and C) because they insist. But 9 times out of 10, if your final decision backs up what you originally said you wanted, they will debate you all over again on the topic. This time, from a different angle.

 Below is the short version (believe it or not) of a specific “Brideszilla moment” where I finally lost it with one of these people. It was towards the end of the wedding planning, so by this point in time I had been stretched to my limit of patience….

 Ok, so for three to four weeks during the free time that I didn’t have, I had been googling addresses, entering them into mapquest, and typing up an “out-of-town guest booklet” that I would eventually make about 50 copies of at Kinko’s. I included directions to and from all the wedding weekend events, activities to do on the side, phone numbers for cabs, etc. Thinking it would be nice to have a few “simple sketches” on each page (ex: a bouquet of flowers on the bridesmaids luncheon page, a simple church with a steeple next to the ceremony info, some music notes for the reception, etc.)… I hired a guy who works at one of the bakeries in town, but who does sketch-like postcards for businesses on the side. (If I could have drawn the sketches myself, I would have, but when I made the attempt they truly looked awful.)  So, I figured I would pay this guy $30 to $40 to sketch these drawings out real quick, and just get it done, no big deal. Wayyyy wrong. When I showed (I’ll call him Josh) two examples of what I was looking for (courtesy of Jenny and Lacey’s wedding weekend packets) he rudely said “Those drawings are sooooo elementary.” I told him I thought that they were great, that the point wasn’t for the drawings to overshadow the information on the pages, and that the only reason why I wanted the drawings to begin with was to make the packet just a little more festive and fun. Nothing elaborate. Nothing complicated. I told him if he wasn’t interested in the project, I didn’t want to bother him with it. He said he was extremely busy and would have to “squeeze” me into his schedule, but that he would do it. Well, when I went to pick up the packet a couple weeks later, I think my jaw literally dropped to the floor when I saw that he had practically painted the Cistine Chapel instead of the simple, small sketches I had requested. Each single page (there were about 20 of them) was an 8 by 10 colorful masterpiece of an EXACT replica of the church where we were getting married, of downtown Tampa, of a limo, of a wedding cake, etc. The drawings were HUGE! And they were more precise than if I had taken a photograph of each object and glued it to the page.

 Me: “Josh, these are beautiful. You are obviously very talented, but these are not what I ask for.” Josh: “Well these drawings will actually be memorable. Those sketches you showed me in those example packets were forgettable. Your GRANDCHILDREN (he really said this) will appreciate this one day.” Me: “Josh, this wasn’t supposed to be an heirloom. It’s supposed to be a practical wedding weekend guide for my guests. There’s no room for the directions to even go on these pages! What made you think I needed 8 by 10 drawings? We discussed a small, brochure-size—remember? And why did you do the drawings in color? I said I needed black-and-white since I would be getting them copied. Josh: “Well I worked my butt off for you on this project, I totally squeezed you in my schedule, and it just really offends me that you don’t appreciate my hard work.” Me: “I do appreciate your hard work, but I can’t USE these huge, detailed drawings you gave me. I’m sorry. But I thought I was clear with you. **At this point, Josh is rolling his eyes, taking deep disgusted breaths, and demanding that I pay him $200 for his drawings. I tell him we discussed $50 and that technically I should have to pay him since I couldn’t even use what he drew for me. A few minutes goes by of Josh insisting his drawings are excellent. He then says: “ I just feel really used and I’m really hurt right now.” I say, “ YOU feel used?” Josh says, “Yes, I mean…I put a lot of time into this project.” I say, “ Josh, I’m the one who came to YOU. And you didn’t produce what you said you would! Don’t you know that I could have gone to somebody else for this project?  Josh says: “Well, I went above and beyond for you. I put hours into this project. And my drawings are fabulous.” I say: “Josh, I didn’t ask you to go above and beyond. That’s what you don’t seem to understand. I said I needed something small and simple that would fit on the packet of information I had already put together. I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this. I’m on my lunch break from work, and I’m already late getting back.” Josh says: “Well, the drawings I did for you are magnificent, and that’s what I do, because I’m an artist.  ***This is where I’m pushed completely over the edge. I say, “If you think you’re such a faaaabbbulous artist, THEN GO TO L.A.!!!! GO TO NEW YORK!!! Go BEEEEEE an artist!!! If you thought this project was BELOW you to do, then you should have told me no. But instead you’ve had an attitude this whole time with me and you’ve been SO pushy. ALL of you artists have SUCH huge egos!!! I’m sick of all of you thinking that everything you do is perfect!!!.. and no, I will NOT be paying you $200. Goodbye.” And then I got in my car and left. URRRGGGHH!! What an obnoxious, demanding, self-centered, self-glorifying, pushy, arrogant, rude, pushy, obnoxious, pushy, pushy person! When I looked at my clock and realized an hour had passed, I was even more appalled. I thought about the 3 weeks he had taken to get back to me, the phone calls back and forth to meet up. All that for nothing. Start over again from square one. 

 Once I calmed down later, I of course felt bad for taking my frustration out on Josh. Even though he had been extremely, extremely pushy and he had TOTALLY not done what I asked of him, I realized I probably would have handled it differently if I hadn’t already been dealing with about 8 other “wedding people” who had similar self-serving attitudes.  I wrote him a letter the next day, apologizing that I let my frustration get the best of me.  I did not, however, apologize for position on the drawings and my refusal to pay him.